All we need is better marketing.

The latest post on ScreaminJohn'sblog is about how JM has Roseola, which apparently is a common virus in youngins. I think it's a very nice name for an icky sort of thing. It sounds like a folk rock song. You know, something by Fairport Convention.

This got me thinking about how maybe other illnesses should have name-makeovers. Maybe, using the Roseola example, you can name them after flowers. Instead of Croup, you have Crocus. Instead of Malaria, you have Marigold.

OR, better still, to go with the folk rock-ness of Roseola, how about names-that-are-song-titles. It could be based on the name or the nature of the condition. How about:

Mono = "Only You"
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome = "I'm So Tired"
Hay Fever = "Blowin in the Wind"
Schizophrenia = "Most Likely You Go Your Way (and I'll Go Mine)"
Laryngitis = "Don't Speak"
Dystentery = "Running On Empty" (ewwww.)

Ok, that last one is pretty gross, but I'm just scratching the surface here, and I think I'm on to a really good thing. I can't be the first to consider this--I would love to know if there is a list somwhere of particularly good ones. Post your own, or let me know if there is a list already out there!

But think of all the positive implications of adopting this system. Not only would it make kids feel better about embarrassing conditions (It's not a stye, dear, it's "Angel Eyes"), it might make a trip to the doctor way more fun! Plus, it might introduce the doctoring profession to a whole new audience. (Although if you want a new YOUNG audience, you might have to update the song-title connections, since all the songs I've included are from some classic rock station's regular rotation...)